NASA: Is your $17 billion space program smarter than a 7th grader?

NASA, the United States space program with a projected 2008 budget of $17.3 Billion, had their published math corrected by a 13 year old.  NASA had calculated a 1 in 45,000 chance that an asteroid would hit the earth in 2029.  The German schoolboy re-performed the calculations himself, finding that the chances were better estimated at 1 in 450, off by a factor of 100!  After more ‘careful’ consideration, NASA fully agreed with the German boy’s correction, but stand by their estimate of $19 million for a toilet.

It is important to focus on the large waste of key finances by a large inept agency….  wait, 1 in 450 chance?  WE ARE DOOMED! PANIC!  SUCK ON LOOSE CHANGE FOR SUSTENANCE! USE YOUR SEAT AS A FLOTATION DEVICE!  DON”T DRINK FROM THE CHOCOLATE RIVER!

Update: The answer to the title question “Is your $17 billion space program smarter than a 7th grader?” is quite possibly the obvious choice.  A European Space Agency (ESA) spokesperson has since stated that NASA was correct and the annoying German kid was mistaken.

For those of you that do not recognize the gentleman in the suit in the lowest photo, it is the actor who played Augustus Gloop in the original 1971 Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  The photo above it is of the same actor in his famous role.  If you think I will make a ‘fatty sucked up the old chocolate pipe’ joke, you are mistaken.  Well ok if you ask for it, I haven’t seen something that fat going up a chocolate tube since they declassified a CIA torture training film.

Journal of Sexual Medicine reports on sexual behavior

 

The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported in its latest issue (May 2008) that the best sex lasts between 3 and 13 minutes.  The median time was 7.3 minutes for the encounters they measured.  See source article.  To measure the events, the woman held a stop watch, seriously.  I have no idea how the man lasted 7 minutes with the sexy alluring image of a woman holding a stopwatch.  More arousing would be if the woman tapped the stopwatch, saying ‘tick tick tick’.

Ready….set….go!

I guess the study had to involve only a man and a woman, because they did not include foreplay in the measurement at all.  So no lesbian intercourse, of course.  Also left out of the time analysis was the time it took to figure out how to stop the elevator between floors. So time measured was only from the male entering the female, to male orgasm.  Done.  Three minutes is optimal.  I know foreplay is very difficult to measure, but at least these penis marketing Doctors could have considered it.  What is the optimal time range from a woman attaining arousal to achieving orgasm?   Sorry, that is in the Journal of Men Don’t Wanna Hear About it, sponsored by Cialis.

This study will get sufficient media coverage because it will go into the list of medical journal articles that will be ‘randomly’ left on coffee tables, ‘accidentally’ emailed to a woman, or accidentally left on car windshields.  Others include the studies: swallowing semen makes the woman more intelligent, lowers blood pressure and risk of preeclampsia and happier.

I look forward to the next article from the Journal of Sexual Medicine.  I heard their next issue will contain a study on ‘the positive benefits to a woman by fetching her man a sandwich and letting him sleep after their optimal 3 minute sexual adventure’

Around the world.

What is going on around the globe? Here is today’s news briefs:

The Wall Street Journal has reported that the NSA has continued its illegal wiretapping actions, even after congress explicitly told them it was illegal. The NSA collected and scanned all emails and phone calls for ’strange’ activity and patterns. A reader somewhere wondered, “maybe the NSA has the missing White House emails.”

The BBC reports that China is accusing the United States of double standards on human rights, only ordering beef with broccoli.

Random visual poetry can be beautiful The most hypnotic website is up, flickrvision. The site takes photos uploaded to a public photo site, Flickr, and displays them one at a time – from all over the globe.

This is Wally Ballou signing off.

Did you lose your picture?

Oh, hi again. If you are reading this, I am willing to wager that you have had your picture taken, at some point in your life. In fact, you probably have had more pictures taken of you than you can even recall. If you do not know where all those pictures are, you may find out that you are an internet celebrity, or on a cover of a video.

A few separate people have decided to collect photographs they have found throughout the world, and post them on the internet for all you friends and family to see. After about 5 minutes of looking through these photos, I found one that looks just like my Uncle (see top) , if he had access to a time machine.

Can you find yourself or a friend? Try IsThisYou or SquareAmerica to find out. While you are there, enjoy looking at human faces, to find the story beyond the face. Like this one:

Why is this lady wearing 2 lbs of makeup, but no jewelry? The white around and between her eyes seems to indicate she wears glasses, but why remove them for the photo if you won’t smile? Is that expression exasperated annoyance or coy and content? If you want to know, pick up the software - or just enjoy the artistic beauty of the human face. You just might be surprised.

Holloweenie

This month is October, or ‘Rocktober’ if you still listen to crappy morning radio. Yes, finally Halloween month is here, when all the kooks dress up in costumes for our pleasure. I always loved seeing the creative costumes, like my friend’s as a kid – when he put a coat hanger through his head and went as an aborted fetus. I recommend to all of you ultra-Christians in mid-America, to come down to the Villiage in NYC for the Halloween parade. I guarantee your beliefs will change. To what, I have no idea – but they will change.

Here are some cool costumes:

Starting with Bill Maher’s Steve Irwin costume. Stings, doesn’t it?

This guy gets an A for effort.

Ok, I would wear this one. What does that tell you?

I try not to wear complicated costumes. Won’t you be upside down, if you wear this one?

Look a pumpkin!

The next superhero breakfast cereal will be ‘Super Bloody Tampon Ninja’. Watch out, Frakenberry!

Awww cute. Now I don’t feel so bad for wanting to eat the dog.

South Park did it. Always pass your values to the children.

Ludes and Halloween do not mix well. Do they still have ludes, or am I too old? Ok, Nyquil.

Last one.  Please use this day to share your deepest issues, it will be therapeutic.

Happy Halloween!

Poll, testing

So after one week of posting articles, we have determined my readers’ preferences, in order: humor; tits; then politics. I have a feeling they all are in Las Vegas, waiting in line to see the Amazing Johnathan. We will see if the Vegas theory is correct, when I start writing about poker.

I have been searching for ways to improve my blog through gimmicks, like polls. What I have found from this search is that: my love life is like Pretty Woman, and I should paint my toenails White.

Your Toes Should Be White

A little funky and a little fresh, you’re constantly evolving your flirting style.Your ideal guy: A witty brainiac with hottie potentialStay away from: Overly dorky guys who become obsessed with you

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

So here I will try to add a poll, to find out what your interests are, as a reader. The only poll that works on this blog, according to their FAQ, does not provide options for ranking results or voting for more than 1 at a time, so please use the comments section to add your own items, or comment on your vote.

Topic I like most 1) politics 2) humor 3) tits/sex 4) sports 5) quiz/trivia 6) useful advice 7) cool links guest post from my 7-year old nephewView Results Make your own poll