Easter time in Northeastern United States is a beautiful inspiring time of year. Spring is in its infancy, sharing with it: singing birds, dancing fluffy animals, and nice warm weather. Baseball season is blooming, as are the flowers. (Yes, I know suicide rate is up during this time, please don’t interrupt).
As the Spring morning sunlight poured itself into a dripping puddle of love and inspiration in my eyes, I felt the need to create an Easter post that reveals the happiness and promise of the time of year. For I, like every American, am an expert on Easter. In America you have freedom of choice, either you are a Christian child having Easter shoved down your throat, like sweet Spring morning sunlight, or you are non Christian – and you get Easter shoved down your unwilling throat.
There are two typical Easter themes and I will deal with the more serious one. The two themes, of course, are: bunnies frolicking around hiding chocolate eggs; and the one about the guy who floats in the air 3 days after he dies. I know – I have never seen a dead floating guy either, so I am going with the one that makes more sense – the Easter chocolate bunnies and eggs.
Let’s start with yummy chocolate bunnies. Oh here are 2 now, nom nom nom:
An important easter tradition is the chocolate Michael McDonald. Is he flashing the peace sign, that chocolate Doobie Brother? “What a fool believes!”
These next 2 pics remind me of a joke by the underrated comic genius, Emo Phillips.
Emo Phillips’ easter joke:
“And the psychologist gives me a chocolate Easter bunny. And this shows how tricky those guys are. I eat the chocolate and I think, wait a second… this isn’t around Easter. “Was this a test?” He said, “Yes.” “And what does it mean?” He said, “Well, had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal; had you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex; had you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies; and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent oedipal complex.” I said, “Well, go on. What does it mean when you bite out the eyes and scream, ‘Stop staring at me!’?'”
“He says, “It shows you’ve a tendency towards self-destruction.” I said, “What do you recommend?” He says, “Go for it!””
When I was a kid, we always colored eggs with PAAS brand Easter coloring sets. They were cheap dying sets that must have made them gigantic profits, and they seemed to have the market cornered. How did they get rid of the competition? Apparently, PAAS comes from the Dutch word, Paasdag which means Easter Day.
Nothing represents Easter more than Peeps, not even chocolate Doobie Brothers. Peeps are delicious marshmallow sweets that give some people a sugar rush, others maybe coma and cavities – but to all a happy good time. (That is, until you come down from your Peep high and have to sell yourself for a Peep fix)
For Peeps, the only purpose of life is to sit around waiting to be eaten – the Peep equivalent of being a Pittsburgh Pirate fan. Of course, this causes much worry for the Peep.
Gruesome ending. Faces of Peeps.
Not much else to do to amuse themselves, in between Easter seasons. Here is where they get the name, Peep show.
Poor Peeps. They obviously have some pretty serious medical conditions to deal with, such as having no bones. This one has a problem with his hypothalamus .
But Easter is time for fun, Peeps. Look they come in different flavors, here are chicken flavored Peeps:
Yum yum, scrumptious. Ok, that is pretty much all there is to Easter. If you made it this far, you too are an Easter expert. Well, South Park did find out about a some secret Easter society, and Master Shake is going undercover to get more details.
Maybe Master Shake will find out what happened to the Easter bunny.
Now, have a happy Easter!!! Enjoy yourself!!!! Hahaha! Have a good time!