Zach Galifianakis has the best website design

Zach Galifianakis has his own website and has apparently paid top dollar into the design.  Check it out.

http://www.zachgalifianakis.com/

 

pic from Unreality Mag.

April Fools Tips

April Fools is the 2nd most important holiday in America.  The most important obviously is March 14, steak&BJ day, which the heretic waitress at Morton’s refuses to observe.  I’m never going back to that place!! according to the court order.  Anyhoo, April Fools…

Up to now, whenever I am asked ‘what is a good joke for April Fools’, my answer is always the same: ‘just pay the friggin toll and move on, you’re blocking traffic, a-hole!’   So now, I decided to come up with some of my own to get you through your dull miserable office day.   Please feel free to use these, as long as you give me credit.

1. ‘Hey boss, I can’t come into the office today because I accidentally shoved a miniature Eiffel Tower into my ass and I can’t get it out.   APRIL FOOLS!  It’s really the Statue of Liberty.’

2.  Bring a rifle to work and start firing while chanting random Bible passages, “Destruction cometh; and they shall seek peace, and there shall be none!”  “Don’t covet your neighbors Shellfish!”.  Then tell the police, ‘APRIL FOOLS!  They are just blanks’.  The cops will be laughing as they book you.  The resulting stories will make you a hit in your prison ward.

3. ‘I am pregnant, it’s yours, and I will name him after you.   APRIL FOOLS, Grandpa, I was on the Pill’.

4. ‘Wilson, I never received that report you claim you put on my desk, and if I don’t get it by next week, it will be reflected in your bonus.’   ‘APRIL FOOLS!  you’re fired’.

5. Punch a small hole into a coffee cup, so that staining coffee will spill out when tilted (dribble cup).  Then at a meeting, spill the coffee all over yourself and say ‘aha you guys, you got me.  Good one.’   People will think you a good sport and others are dicks for making you walk around all day with stains on your pants.  Now wait for your raise and promotion.  Extra tip: when spilling coffee, also pee in pants for extra effect.

6. ‘Knock Knock.  (who’s there?)  April Fools.  (April Fools Who?)  April Fools your dumb CEO ass!’

7. ‘I love all my fellow co-workers and can’t ask for better people.  APRIL FOOLS!  I hate the Negros and Arabs.’  (warning, joke may be considered offensive in Northern United States after 1967.  Only to be used in Midwest and the South U.S. and Australia)

8. Urinate in the coffee.  I love this one.  Then on April First, you don’t pee in the coffee.  Haha!  They will be surprised at how good the coffee tastes on this one day of the year.

9. Smear your body with feces.  Then get some charcoal and write racist things all over your body, making sure to misspell everything.  Call Al Sharpton and he will help with the rest.

10. Now is time to make those racist UCLA videos and tell people you don’t like to F-off (via Jacqueline Howett).  If you do it on April 1st, you can always claim APRIL FOOLS! and you will be seen as a good sport and fun to be around.

That’s my 10 April Fools jokes.  If you do them all, you are guaranteed to be loved and rewarded.  APRIL FOOLS!

Pics from LOLPranks and techcrunch.

Lack of Belief in Gods by QualiaSoup

I thought y’all would like to see an inspirational video on logical thinking by QualiaSoup, who describes himself as a “UK artist and secular humanist interested in critical thinking, science and the natural world.”  QualiaSoup has his own YouTube channel where you can find out more about him, such as his ridiculous sounding real name (it’s Doug).  Enjoy!

The Genious Genie Chat Bot

This month, this site’s views passed half a million!  I would like to thank each and every one of my readers… so please send me your home address and phone numbers.  Please also include a photo, so when I show up at your door no thanks will be wasted on non-readers.

A new link has been added to this site: The Akinator!    This genius genie will guess any character you have in mind, alive or dead, real or imagined.

A partial explanation to how the Akinator can narrow down choices so efficiently is that…” If each question could eliminate half of the possibilities, then the computer could use 19 questions to distinguish between 524,288 (or 2^19) different possible answers”  per the AI Guy

Additionally, Akinator gains information from the feedback of each person who uses the system, differentiating itself from excellent Chat Bot systems like A.L.I.C.E.

This is all way cool!

I can has RAMBurger? kthxby

Cat photo shamefully stolen from Homotron.  Er, I mean ‘copied’ under the fair use act of copyright.

Catching up with SkeptiSys

Thanks to you readers who contacted me, wondering when I will post again.  Well, ‘ere I am.  Let’s see if I can catch up in just one article.  What’s been going on…

SkeptiSys on his break

1. Tiger Woods has been attacked mercilessly by the government (Disney) for having consensual sex with White women.  And for dominating a previously all White sport.  Yes this is repeat news from 1912 – see Jack Johnson, Boxing champion.

2. The Obama/Exxon administration manages to be considered ‘left’ and ‘liberal’ despite:

a) nominating 2 right-wing corporate loyalists to be U.S. Supreme Court Justices.  In fact, most of Obama’s position choices are right wing corporatists, many of whom served under Bush

b) turning over multiple trillions of dollars from the people to large banks that caused a depression, auto and gas industries that caused global warming, military companies that have committed murder, fraud, and the Iraq fiasco, and the Insurance industries that have caused our medical and disaster recovery to be the worst in civilization.

c) blocking all investigations into war crimes committed under the Bush administration, which itself is a War Crime.

d) Protecting large telecommunications companies that committed crimes by spying and wiretapping American citizens then sharing the private info.

e) Increasing the already sick military budget and escalating wars, resulting in well over one million civilians dead – many are women and children.  Somewhere during this, Obama receives Nobel Peace Price from obviously stoned Nobel panel.

f) Declaring the President can order the assassination of any American citizen without oversight.

g) resisting all humane health options (single payer or public option) to assure record profits by scummy health insurance companies.

h) increasing the prison rate, poverty rate… and on, and on, and on.

Somehow the ‘media’ has defined ‘left’ and ‘liberal’ to include Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, John Lennon, and Hitler.  Take that Propaganda, old mother Russia!

3. The Catholic Church, obviously upset that they have lost their crown as Most Evil Institution to Islamic Fundamentalism –  makes a comeback with their ‘we rape children’ advertisement campaign.

Here is Pat Condell with his unique view on the Catholic Church:

As an aside, did you notice that you are considered by pollsters to be voting based on ‘morals’, if you vote for a candidate that hates Gays, but not if you vote for a political candidate because you hate killing and rape by military and religious wackos?  In this weird culture,to be more ‘moral’ means having more hate and bigotry.

I guess that is enough to get out of my hiatus.  As always, be skeptical of everything, and make a joke out of everything.  Peace and love!

Peace & Love

Photos from tattoo.

If you like Pat Condell, donate to his cause at his website.   If you hate his work, please write a note saying so, when you donate.

Women’s Bathroom Secrets Revealed

So guys, how about that game last night and power drills, tools grout… Ok, good!  Now all women have left us alone, we men can discuss a big puzzling problem we all have with women.  How do they possibly go through all those rolls of toilet paper?!?!?

always wear a fancy hat to church

I mean sure, I use toilet paper every few days or so – but every friggin week I am balancing the 64 giganto roll pack of butt softies around the market, knocking over cans right and left.  I can’t even see over the thing to check out cute women!  (maybe that’s their plan)   Women wonder why we buy so much chili?  It’s to have an excuse for carrying all that stool-sopping cotton rolls.

Oh, your Mom's cooking? I'm prepared.

Seriously, my girlfriend calls me up to give me this same update every couple days:

1. farting in bed is not as funny as you think it is

2. My Mom doesn’t like to be called willieMcGee, whatever that is.

3. we are out of toilet paper.

Well, here for you men, women’s dirty toilet paper secret finally revealed.  From a hidden bathroom video camera, this footage shows us what women secretly do in the bathroom!   Yes, the secret is out!  Warning, these videos are appalling!

A few (very) cool sites located while doing research for this post: Shape & Colour; Bridge & Tunnel Crowd; and Half-Pint Opinions.

Roundhay Garden Scene: The Director’s Cut

Filmed in 1888 by Louis Le Prince, “Roundhay Garden Scene” is known to be the world’s oldest surviving motion picture.  Louis was not given full credit for his work at the time, because he ‘disappeared’ on the way to demonstrate his work.  When Louis’ son, Adolphe, protested Thomas Alva Edison’s claim of inventing the motion picture, he too died mysteriously – by gunshot.

Louis Le Prince’s Mother in Law, the first ever movie star, died just 10 days after filming.  No cause of death can be located, but the rumors that she died after a cocaine induced orgy with Roscoe Fatty Arbuckle are probably unfounded.  Her demanding and critical personality was ahead of her time, for a star actress as well as a mother in law.

Luckily, the hard working team at somethingawful have unearthed the deleted scenes from this 1888 classic, which have been lost for over a century.  Just goes to show what you can find at a yard sale.

Here it is for your enjoyment, Roundhay Garden Scene: the Directors Cut:

Who will police the police?

out of control prison system

How do we fight back against a powerful American police and military system run amok?  ‘Kop Busters’, a group fighting back against police corruption, had an entertaining idea.  They decided to run a sting operation that would catch only police corruption.  Noting a rash of police ‘misinformation’ on search warrant requests, Kop Busters decided to ‘plant’ 2 Christmas trees in an apartment without any illegal activity taking place.  Odessa, Texas Police then illegally raided the house and arrested (with no basis) the attorney waiting for them.

Watch a news report on the public service sting operation here:

Read more about it here:

Donklephant.

I expect severe punishment of the police who arrested the attourney without any hint of illegal activity, as well as of any police officer who lied on an official court document to obtain a warrant.  As this is not an isolated incident, but a reaction to a glut of similar suspected  acitivty, I also expect an independent probe into potential corrupt behavior among upper level police and D.A. in Odessa Texas.  God bless these patriots!

Kathryn Johnston age 92, gunned down by police in her own home

November.org has some great info.

Read about Kathryn Johnston, the 92 year old lady who was gunned down by police in riot gear breaking into her home on warrant misinformation, in wikipedia.

Field cats

Hope you enjoy these short videos as much as I did.  One shows cats trippin on catnip; the other shows ‘cats’ trippin on ‘catnip’.

Louie Armstrong loves Super Mario World

This Louie Armstrong impersination is amazing.

If you never heard the real Satchmo, check out this clip from about 60 years ago.  Please do not search for videos of scatting on stage – take my word for it – you will end up with too much from Germany.