Opening Day, Yank it!

Today is the official Major League Baseball opening day for the 2008 season, one of the biggest American holidays.

Right now I am looking across the foggy Hudson River at the rain drenched Yankee Stadium, where the opening day baseball game between the New York Yankees and Toronto Blue Jays has just been canceled.   Many years ago I sat in that Yankee Stadium with my Dad, in the middle of a near race riot between loud Dominican Toronto Blue Jays fans and angry loud New York Yankee fans.

Back then, over a dozen years ago, the Blue Jays had become successful by pioneering the scouting and signing of world class Dominican baseball talent, like Tony Fernandez, Jorge Bell, and Juan Guzman.  New York has a large Dominican population, who all seemed to be at the ballpark that day… in one section… with many small, and one very large, Dominican flag, which they waived mightily in appreciation of anything a Dominican born Blue Jay did.   This actually made the game more enjoyable and was not bothering anybody, at least until the Blue Jays took the lead and the Yankee fans got drunker.  Pretty soon, my Dad and I found ourselves surrounded by drunk Yankee fans screaming, ‘Burn that flag! Burn that flag!”  Never a dull moment at Yankee stadium.

I recall sitting in  the left field stands long ago, also with my Dad in Yankee Stadium, while Sweet Lou Piniella used his glove, and part of his stocky body, to turn a routine single into a double.  An angry Yankee fan ran to the edge of the stands and yelled surely over 100 decibels, “Lou!  Loooo Piniella!  Looo F’n Piniella!  How dare you play for the greatest city in the world!!!”  I am certain Lou heard, but just turned his back.

My father recently passed away, and soon too will the old Yankee Stadium.   Major league baseball games are being broadcast today in high definition and baseball is beautiful in high definition. I recommend that everybody fill their pockets full of snacks and food, cracker jacks, peeps, and candy.  Fill your jacket with hogies, heros, hotdogs, and grinders.  Then go to your local mall or tv outlet and watch opening day games on their gigantic high definition sets.  Share your food with the salesmen and the other ‘customers’.  Security guards and Policemen also love to eat and watch opening day, so share with them.  Have a great time!  It’s F’n opening day!

Video card, Mother board Blows

I had major computer hardware problems this past week. It began when I awoke to find a blank screen on my monitor.   Checking and reconnecting all external cable connections did not restore power and video. When I was able to connect my monitor to a separate system, it worked!   So I knew the problem was not with my monitor or the connecting cable. My next step was to find out if there was a problem inside the case, with the hardware and internal connections. I got my tool box and went to work. After 12 hours with my tools, finally – success!!! I got the computer case open!

Actually, the case was very easy to open.  I tested and reseat all connections, cards, and power supplies that I could.   After all the testing I could do – it appears during a recent physical move a fan was broken and disconnected, causing the system to eventually overheat and damage the motherboard and other hardware.

I turned to religion, having each component of my old main computer blessed in the name of Jesus Christ.  If any of you would like to own a certified Christian blessed computer component for less than it would cost for a full non-Christian blessed computer system, please let me know by email or posting here with your contact info.  I am afraid we accept cash only, at this time.  Here is a real true testimonial on the absolute GODLY goodness of my certified Christian blessed computer parts:

“SkeptiSys’ certified Christian blessed computer components are miraculous!  I run a website that makes satire, and I rely on my computer as much as my God.  I happily payed hundreds of dollars for SkeptiSys’ certified Christian blessed computer components, and got the most out of them!  Once I started to use SkeptiSys’ certified Christian blessed computer parts, I immediately saw the light!  Bless you, SkeptiSys, and your amazing certified mainly nonfunctional Christian computer parts!” – A truly blessed reader-

Thanks, blessed reader.   These parts are the ONLY computer components certified blessed by SkeptiSys, and ONLY blessed and certified by SkeptiSys himself.  Won’t you JOIN the MANY, who have already SEEN the LIGHT?  Contact SkeptiSys now by posting a reply or via email NOW! at SkeptiSys@gmail.com !  Cash only, please.  Supplies limited!

Purchaser waives all rights, except those found in the ten commandments themselves!, and removes seller from absolutely all responsibilities and liabilities.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everybody!  May this season’s holiday help spread joy, happiness, peace, and togetherness around the world.

Romance, then and again

 

Top 10 sexual adventures, by age.

Males, age 21:

1. back seat of the car
2. front seat of the car
3. trunk of the car
4. backstage of a concert
5. in the concert audience
6. in grocery isle six, next to the taco kits
7. with your friend Vanessa
8. with his friends Todd, Butch, Steve, Luis, Angel, and Stubby
9. In front of a video camera
10. Right here, right now!

Males, age 41

1. In bed with at least one pillow under his head, one arms length away from any remote

Females, age 41

1. in the elevator
2. on the beach
3. in Paris
4. in Italy
5. on a cruise
6. on the bed, with all remotes hidden
7. with rose petals leading to bathtub
8. next to candlelight
9. anywhere that costs over $500 to get to
10. anything with more than 3 hours of planning and $100 spent

Females, Age 21

1. “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Comic is by http://xkcd.com/  a site so cool and interesting that it makes it to my list of links over there on the right column.  No, other right.  You see where your mouse is?  Yes.  Yes, it’s that little roundish device that moves the cursor around.  Nobody is cursing, Mom, it’s ok.  How’s this?  I will go to the post office and mail you link.  Ok, love you too.

Easter: Chocolate and Hollow

Easter time in Northeastern United States is a beautiful inspiring time of year. Spring is in its infancy, sharing with it: singing birds, dancing fluffy animals, and nice warm weather. Baseball season is blooming, as are the flowers. (Yes, I know suicide rate is up during this time, please don’t interrupt).

As the Spring morning sunlight poured itself into a dripping puddle of love and inspiration in my eyes, I felt the need to create an Easter post that reveals the happiness and promise of the time of year. For I, like every American, am an expert on Easter. In America you have freedom of choice, either you are a Christian child having Easter shoved down your throat, like sweet Spring morning sunlight, or you are non Christian – and you get Easter shoved down your unwilling throat.

There are two typical Easter themes and I will deal with the more serious one. The two themes, of course, are: bunnies frolicking around hiding chocolate eggs; and the one about the guy who floats in the air 3 days after he dies. I know – I have never seen a dead floating guy either, so I am going with the one that makes more sense – the Easter chocolate bunnies and eggs.

Let’s start with yummy chocolate bunnies. Oh here are 2 now, nom nom nom:

An important easter tradition is the chocolate Michael McDonald. Is he flashing the peace sign, that chocolate Doobie Brother? “What a fool believes!”

These next 2 pics remind me of a joke by the underrated comic genius, Emo Phillips.

Emo Phillips’ easter joke:

“And the psychologist gives me a chocolate Easter bunny. And this shows how tricky those guys are. I eat the chocolate and I think, wait a second… this isn’t around Easter. “Was this a test?” He said, “Yes.” “And what does it mean?” He said, “Well, had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal; had you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex; had you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies; and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent oedipal complex.” I said, “Well, go on. What does it mean when you bite out the eyes and scream, ‘Stop staring at me!’?'”

“He says, “It shows you’ve a tendency towards self-destruction.” I said, “What do you recommend?” He says, “Go for it!””

When I was a kid, we always colored eggs with PAAS brand Easter coloring sets. They were cheap dying sets that must have made them gigantic profits, and they seemed to have the market cornered. How did they get rid of the competition? Apparently, PAAS comes from the Dutch word, Paasdag which means Easter Day.

Easter Peeps!!!!

Nothing represents Easter more than Peeps, not even chocolate Doobie Brothers. Peeps are delicious marshmallow sweets that give some people a sugar rush, others maybe coma and cavities – but to all a happy good time.  (That is, until you come down from your Peep high and have to sell yourself for a Peep fix)

For Peeps, the only purpose of life is to sit around waiting to be eaten – the Peep equivalent of being a Pittsburgh Pirate fan. Of course, this causes much worry for the Peep.

Gruesome ending. Faces of Peeps.

Not much else to do to amuse themselves, in between Easter seasons. Here is where they get the name, Peep show.

Poor Peeps. They obviously have some pretty serious medical conditions to deal with, such as having no bones. This one has a problem with his hypothalamus .

But Easter is time for fun, Peeps. Look they come in different flavors, here are chicken flavored Peeps:

Yum yum, scrumptious. Ok, that is pretty much all there is to Easter. If you made it this far, you too are an Easter expert. Well, South Park did find out about a some secret Easter society, and Master Shake is going undercover to get more details.

Maybe Master Shake will find out what happened to the Easter bunny.

Now, have a happy Easter!!! Enjoy yourself!!!! Hahaha! Have a good time!

Human Poverty Index, U.S. ranking

The United Nation Development Program (UNDP) produces a report on human development around the world.  Included in this report is the Human Poverty Index (HPI), that provides information on poverty.  The HPI that is used for countries with high human development, including the United States, is the HPI2, consisting of 4 aspects:

1) Probability at birth of not surviving to age 60;

2) Adult literacy rate;

3) Long-term unemployment; and

4)  Population (%) living below 50% of the median income.

The United States is ranked 17th out of 19 countries ranked using HPI2 (the 2 countries that had worse scores are Italy and Ireland).   The United States are the worst of this group in 2 categories: 1. survival rate to age 60; and 4. people living below 50% of the median income.  We, as a country, have to do better in keeping our people healthy and in better life situations.

RateMyCop is pulled over and tasered

A website, RateMyCop, was taken off the internet after the site received criticism from police organizations. The site, whose stated purpose was to allow the public (including the police) to post information and opinions on individual police officers, was taken down by their ISP GoDaddy, and and has remained unavailable since (more than 1 week so far). The site apparently used only public information, and violated no laws. The main objection by the police is that posting their names would “put law enforcement in danger.” Given their names are already public information, I have no idea how it would put them in further danger.   I think these police organizations are making incorrect assumptions, and the website would actually be beneficial to the police officers.

The police would be able to post direct responses to any potential criticism on the site, which is more difficult when that speech is not open or organized.   Many people in America believe the police do not protect and serve them; that they protect and serve the very elite and rich and view all others as dangerous potential criminals.  If this assumption is not true, the police would be able to use this site to smooth over bad feelings, making them in fact safer.  If it is true, they can work with the public to help move the discussion forward, making the police safer.  Either way benefits society greatly.  With America having over 1% of adults in prison, the relationship between the police and the people needs all the help it can get.

The police organizations are assuming the feedback will all be negative, but that can’t be the right assumption. The police work for the public, and some of the police do know it and try their best. I know someone who lost their husband, and was helped by an officer during that rough time. They would have shared that information to everybody if RateMyCop were available.  I have known cops who were great people, pleasant and fun to hang out with at a barbecue.   One personal ‘cop saved my life’ story is worth a lot more than 10 ‘jerk gave me a ticket’ story.

Of course, the police have the right to voice their concerns, accurately or not, about having their names posted on a website, and the website has the right to have this online forum.  The concern I have is that the website was quickly and efficiently censored, in a country that claims ‘freedom’ on its brochures.   This censorship was done in the typical American way, which is more subtle than force, but quite effective.  The people who run the website lost their large audience.

RateMyCop’s original ISP quickly took the site offline without notice – initially claiming they didn’t like the content, then due to the high traffic. The site was even willing to pay the extra fees requested, and did prepay for another ISP – who nonetheless withdrew the option.  The effect is that ISPs, as large corporate entities, can control and censor web content – by first raising the cost of exercising your freedom of speech online to a level that restricts it to only the rich and powerful; and second by simply refusing to host your site.  This case shows the ISPs will enact this extreme censoring action in collusion with other ISPs, and for the benefit of the official U.S. government.  The resulting self-censorship is gigantic. People will hesitate to speek freely about the government, police, and the corporations they work for, in fear of potential harassment.  That is the complete opposite of America’s original way of life.

If the United States is to regain its reign as greatest and most free country in the world, we have to prevent large companies from this type of control.  When large companies use their power to abuse people’s constitutional rights, it is the government’s ability and responsibility to fine, restrict, dissolve, or criminally punish the offending company. In the United States, corporations were for many years restricted to only temporary limited entities due to the fundamental belief that they would become too large and powerful, abusing American way of life.  Shame on the ISPs for censoring their user, and shame on Congress for not taking appropriate actions to protect their constituents.  If Congress wants to know why they are so disliked (latest 19% approval rating) they need not look any further than their refusals to do their job upholding the constitution, just so a handful of large companies can make even more obscene short-term profits.  Shame on congressional Republicans and Democrats alike.

Aw, they are so cute when they struggle

When I recently obtained a new phone number, I wanted to make sure this new phone number would be private. I told the phone company that I want my new number unlisted. They said, “ok”. I said, “I also want it: unregistered; untransfered; unsold; unbought; unmerged; unanalyzed; not improperly stored; concealed; undisclosed; and top secret classified. They assured me they understood. Again I made sure, being polite because I am sure they were exasperated.

My first call on my new private number just minutes after it was set up was… a computerized telemarketer. Someone else had the phone number before. When he had my number, he apparently asked the phone company for extra-listed.

Around the world.

What is going on around the globe? Here is today’s news briefs:

The Wall Street Journal has reported that the NSA has continued its illegal wiretapping actions, even after congress explicitly told them it was illegal. The NSA collected and scanned all emails and phone calls for ‘strange’ activity and patterns. A reader somewhere wondered, “maybe the NSA has the missing White House emails.”

The BBC reports that China is accusing the United States of double standards on human rights, only ordering beef with broccoli.

Random visual poetry can be beautiful The most hypnotic website is up, flickrvision. The site takes photos uploaded to a public photo site, Flickr, and displays them one at a time – from all over the globe.

This is Wally Ballou signing off.

Bill James starts online pay site

The first time I read a book by Bill James, I jumped out of my bathtub, and ran down the street naked and wet. After that moment, I obsessively read every word that Bill James wrote. I have read all his published books multiple times, including the Abstracts back to 1977 and “This time let’s not eat the bones”. The only publications I have not read are: the latest Gold Mine and various articles he had written for magazines and compilations (Baseball Analysts and the like). If anyone has copies of those articles, please let me know.

As soon as I heard Bill James had an online website, I reached for my wife’s credit card. Well, I say ‘wife’, but really it’s an 80 year old neighbor who always forgets to double lock her door. Anyway, the intention here is to provide some information to anyone considering paying $9 per 3 month subscription to join the Bill James online site.

As soon as I provided credit card information, an onerous disclaimer agreement came up, asking for my acceptance. These legal documents always pop up when you are anxious to use software or a website, and you were sure the transaction was already complete. I read every word written in these documents, on very rare occasions. This was one of those rare occasions.

One part of the document stated that no ‘offensive’ material can be posted on this website. Eh? This is a Bill James website. The same Bill James that wrote, “Rick Cerone is more or less to catching as Thurman Munson is to aviation”. Not offensive? Hey buddy, part of the reason I read Bill James is that he doesn’t hold back. Also in this document was strong language regarding not sharing information and limiting written posts. This ‘agreement’ was completely unacceptable to me. So, I clicked ‘accept’ and continued on to the site.

On the site there are 49 Bill James written articles and columns. These are the main reason I joined, and I poured through them with great enjoyment. Let me explain my expectations for the website:

Level 1: his most dedicated work, for the Red Sox is confidential. This includes any work that analyzes how a team wins and builds a winner in MLB. How does a team evaluate trades and drafts, current players and teams in a way that gives a team an edge over another. All of this work would presumably fall under confidentiality and is owned by the Red Sox. It is also the most interesting subject for fans. Level 1 work most likely will never be seen by the public, which is just sad.

Level 2: His meta work on baseball history and baseball analysis other than Red Sox work. This includes Win Shares and Gold Mine type work, and is meant for publication. You pay for this separately, it doesn’t come with the subscription price of the website.

Level 3: The dregs of his articles. This is what I expected from the online work (I do not pretend to know his work schedule at all, I’m just guessing). The stuff he does after he plays with his kids and family events, after he sends out emails, paints the dog – or whatever. The online work even has basketball and other non-baseball work.

The articles are very entertaining and well written, absolutely. I would read a grocery list that Bill James jot on a napkin. To me, the online articles are Level 3. The topics are about past players like Blyleven, and potential rating systems in their early stages. If you are a big Bill James fan, the 49 articles and columns will be worth the $9. Keep in mind that only one article has been added in the past 4 weeks (sine Feb 11), so it might not be updated frequently enough to be worth the subscription.  If you read Bill James books and want more of his writing, these articles are for you. They are like DVD extras for the books – bloopers and cut out scenes.

Also included on the website:

1) articles by others. Not many here, and I wasn’t interested in this anyway. You can find others’ work elsewhere for ‘free’.

2) Stats and data displays for each current player. Some of these are interesting, but the players have to be chosen one at a time – which is cumbersome. These are baseball lists, like in a book appendix, put on a website one player a page. He could have used a computer programmer to display this data in a manner more consistent with the internet. Some stats are meaningless Elias or Baseball Digest type stuff.

3) “Ask Bill James”. Bill (Mr. James?) answers questions from the public. This is currently the most frequently updated section, and is quite entertaining – even when Bill refuses to answer the question.

4) polls and arguments. Frankly, lame. This has potential, but so far a miss.

Conclusion: if you are not a big Bill James fan, there is no good reason to pay for this site. If you are a big fan, you should consider joining, after you finish reading all his books. In the meantime, I will keep looking for his RedSox work to show up on Wikileaks.

I think this kid owns the Red Sox or is Theo Epstein, I don’t know. 

The Baseball Abstracts pic at the top of the article is from the excellent baseball website Baseball Analysts.